When to Twerk in Court

Image of businessman

First of all, let’s lay out a legal definition of twerking, particularly for lawyers who don’t understand it or who have yet to adopt it in their practices. According to a reputable legal dictionary currently under development, twerking is:

a dance move that involves a person shaking his or her hips and bottom in a bouncy up and down motion, causing it to shake, ‘wobble’ and ‘jiggle;’ to dance in a sexually suggestive twisting fashion; see also, freaking, grinding, booty dancing, butt dancing, and most things offensive to administrators.

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We’ve Hit the Frickin’ Heyday

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As wordsmitherly as attorneys are at times, there are other times that demand slight deviation from the legal gestalt of doing things. And that time may be now. With increasing use of the word “frickin’” in legal and nonlegal circles—particularly as it relates to the booming oil and natural gas industry in North Dakota and Ohio—we’ve noticed it popping up in all sorts of places. Just last week, court observers reportedly overheard Elena Kagan tell an unidentified supreme court justice, “watch the frickin’ robe, Chuck.”

With such a clear endorsement from the highest court, it’s about time to use frickin’ more liberally in your correspondence, legal briefs, and in overly legalistic cocktail conversations. Why? It just works, and sets you far apart from other lawyers who use boring and less linguistically sophisticated legal slang, like “outrageous” or “unmeritorius” or “appalling.” Need some help to get started? Here are a few initial tips.
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Motorola DynaTAC 8000s: Power and Portability in a Mobile Phone

Early Adopter of the DynaTac 8000s

Making a decision about a technology purchase is typically a hand-wringing and crowd-sourced public experience. Should you go with an easy choice, the standard-bearer? Or should you be an early adopter and tweet the hell out of your choices, then choose from the one that gets the most likes or retweets? Take, for example, mobile phones. Whether you are considering a Nokia 9000, or one of the older stand-bys, it can be a confusing experience, even if you crowd-source your agony.
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What To Do With Used MaxiPads

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Like me, you’ve steadfastly collected iPads since they first started filtering out of China in 1998 or so. Now, you’ve got first generation, second generation, and woefully old third generation iPads, all of which are looking decrepit, slow, and worn. I don’t know about you, but I’ve recently had my fill of tripping over used iPads as I enter an office building or try to maneuver around trash cans at legal tech conferences. Now, to make matters worse, Apple releases the Mini iPad, making your half-dozen or so used MaxiPads look like, well, a Wang mainframe from 1973. Lawyers are now pestering me with questions about what to do with their used MaxiPads. Here’s basically what I tell them.
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Shpoonkle to Sell Chicken Burrito Bowls

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As a lawyer who likes to eat lunch on most days, I got a shocking email last week asking me to give up my Chipotle Chicken Burrito Bowl in order to pay for Yiddish-focused online marketing. As you may have guessed, it came from our pals over at the Yiddish-language attorney referral service known as Shpoonkle. Turns out, our buddies at Shpoonkle are now going to start charging me the cost of my burrito bowl (and two large Cokes, a side of guac, and two orders of chips and salsa) in order for me to continue bidding on legal services for anonymous clients.
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What Should Be in a New Lawyer’s Bucket List

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We get a lot of questions faxed to us about what a new lawyer should accomplish in his or her first few years of practice. With hordes of new law school graduates striking out to be lawyers and retail specialists, it’s a good question. And it may surprise you that the answers are fairly simple. Like these.
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Tips for Adopting a Minimalist Law Practice

Minimalist Law Desk

Since malaise and joblessness began to infiltrate the legal profession as early as 1889, many lawyers have considered alternative strategies to build flagging and uninspired practices. Whether it is dabbling in four or five strategic practice areas or adopting door-to-door law sales, most attorneys are looking for an exciting and competitive edge. One area showing considerable promise is Minimalist Law, a practice focus that has built upon the wild popularity of barefoot running and other minimalist exploits, such as naturalism and urban chicken farming.
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Keys to Making an Awesome Website Totally More Awesomer

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As most modern lawyers know, three things make or break your practice: 1) your logo; 2) your website; and 3) your font. We’ve covered logos and fonts and need to spend much more time on websites. Even if your law firm website is already full of awesome, there are still tricks to make it totally more awesomer. Here are some of those tricks.
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Product Review: BIC Ballpoint Pen (Blue)

Cristal BIC Ball Pen

BIC just sent us an awesome display pack of 72 Cristal Stic Ballpoint Pens. That’s right, an entire display of the world’s premier writing instrument. At 1.25 miles of ink per pen, we’ve got more than 75 miles of awesome hand-written faxed memos. But with so many pens at our disposal, we decided to give them a workout as part of our popular product review series. Here’s what we found out.
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Key Essentialities for Building a Bullshit Brand

Big Legal Brain Branding and Optimization

New lawyers today may not understand how to practice law but they sure understand how to rock an awesome meme. Or build their brand, as they say. The Big Legal Brain Brand-Building and Website Optimization team has been raking in portions of bar-study loans lately to help new lawyers build those brands. After six months of doing so, we’re experts and can now provide solid advice on the essentialities of a good brand-building effort.
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