Attorneys are high powered people with dull clothes and dark shoes. They are also considered successful. But with that success comes stress, anxiety, and expensive dark shoes. While booze and a high-cap credit limit can tamper down problems with success, they are not always good choices nor do they generally lead to positive change. Merely shifting your perpective, however, and adopting a “limited success” model can pay a modicum of dividends. If you are suffering from success, reconsider your approach and adopt these few key strategies to help you achieve more limited success.
Wait for Things to Happen. Nothing brings on limited success more than just waiting for it to happen. If you are starting out, make sure you spend an inordinate amount of time developing your web site and buying professional logos, headshots, and a professional copywriter. Once your site is up, wait. Someday it will be listed on Google and you’ll get a client who found you through Wolfram Alpha. If you are already well established and your web site is up and running, consider copping an attitude, such as “I fucking rock, come find me, clients.”
Invest in ROI. It may sound redundant to invest in your return on investment, but investment is a key part of the equation. Make sense? Put it this way, especially for patent lawyers out there: if you invest significantly more I in your ROI, the R may look smaller next to the O. And you will start to see rock solid progress in achieving limited success. Pump up the investment. Water down the return. Now it makes sense. Or makes a good slogan. Either one.
Eliminate Yourself from the Competition. This is pretty straightforward. Basically, if the competition to get clients heats up, don’t bother. If you need memetic help to assure that you do this, think of yourself as a koala. Among dingos.
Adopt a Highway. Normally, a successful lawyer provides sponsorship and monetary support to a well-known cause, such as curing cancer or freeing the innocent from death row. If completely limited success is your goal, consider something more modest, like the popular Adopt-a-Highway program. Nothing says you’re a modestly successful lawyer better than “I pick up your trash.” If even the Adopt-a-Highway program is a bit too self-exalting, consider adopting a county road. Three counties over. In another state.
Take Our Advice. Seriously, we have ten or eleven proven ways to help you achieve limited success. Use paperweights for document management, install an office bar, bill by the gallon, or linkbait. Hate to say it, but if you’ve been listening to us for more than a month now, you are a top notch limited success achiever. Grab a badge, go buy our app. Way to go!