While legal ethics do not apply on the internet, we occasionally come across some fascinating questions. For instance, is it ethical to spank your client? First, some clarification. We are not talking about poking or even full-frontal poking here, with attorneys poking anything that moves, even judges, clerks, and clients. While that’s certainly happening within the legal profession, it’s not something that should be condoned. Unless it feels good. Or increases SEO. Or Klout.
But spanking your client? We don’t see an issue. Most ethical rules state something like “A lawyer shall not have sexual relations with a client unless blah dee blah dee blah.” Nothing about spanking. The rules then define sexual relations as “sexual intercourse between blah dee blah blah blah” and mention “intimate parts.” Unfortunately, there’s no guidance on “intimate parts.” An obviously clever loophole.
Here’s our advice. Spank away. What harm could it do? While some clients may act confused and all uppity, most will appreciate the personal gesture and attention you’ve given them. Further, most clients only get poked by their wives or husbands or an occasional old flame. They’re looking for something a little more exciting these days. For that, spanking can set you apart from other lawyers.
But don’t spank so often that the excitement wears thin. Be judicious. Make a list of the clients whom you know would appreciate an unexpected spanking and make sure you spank them at least quarterly. While that may sound like too long between spankings, if you have a decent list of clients, you’ll be doing a lot of spanking. Plus, if a client reciprocates the spanking, mutual back and forth spanking can really cement a positive relationship. It’s a win win. Spankify, and let us know how it works for you.
