The linkbait post, a secret everyone except lawyers has known about since 2004, will become a big deal for the lawyers who discover blogging this year. What’s linkbait? Well, let me explain.
The only way to get clients today is to appear at the top of Google search results. The best way to get there is by hiring a social media strategist and brand evangelizer like myself. If you could afford me, for example, I’d advise you that you need SEO, which you could have learned from Twitter in ten minutes. I’d then say some gobbledygook about ROI and engagement and then mention that you need links to your site. Specifically, I’d tell you to pay me so I could pay other people to link to your site. If that doesn’t work, we’d both agree that your posts suck and are too substantive.
In other words, don’t confuse posts that have substantive value with posts that have interesting and shiny things in them. Substance died out a while ago. People don’t want it. They want to harvest virtual crops and livetweet football. They want humorous nonsensical tidbits of fun information. Which comes to the linkbait post. Still don’t understand? Let me continue.
I’m Embedding a Super Popular YouTube Video Right Here. Watch It.
Thanks. Now, after video blogging died out after people realized they didn’t know how to adjust the sound and brightness levels on their webcams, folks at Xtranormal figured things out and made it so that even lawyers can make online movies. Basically, as I like to say, if you can type, you can make movies. The movie you just clicked on and watched went viral this past year. You could have gotten megatraffic to your site and boosted your SEO if you had created the video and posted it on your blog. But you didn’t do that, did you? Too bad.
A Really Cool and Useless Thing Called Buzzword Bingo
Bingo has taken off among Interwebbers who have hung around the social web long enough to be sick of buzzwords. Buzzword Bingo cards, like the one at right left, give me and my friends something to do between giving you advice. But you can create your own cards by stealing them from the internet. Print one off, scan it as an image file, email it to yourself, save the image, upload it to the internet, and add HTML code to embed it into a blog post. Bingo!
Snarky Cards for Every Occasion
You want everyone to think you’re witty. No, I’m giving you advice— you want people to think you are witty and cool. Someecards can help you. Post these snarky and cool cards to your blog like I’ve done here, and people can then link to your post that has the card. You can even create your own user-generated cards if you have a special message you would like to tailor specifically to your readers.
Got it now. No? Fine. Do this. Think of the last inane but oddly cool thing you saw on Twitter or received in a chain email. Consider your options: 1) Could I make something that totally awesome? 2) Could I just steal the materials and link to it in my post? If you don’t know the answer to that, then give me a call to set up an appointment. I’ve got a great social media strategy and brand optimization package to sell you.
First of all, the bingo card image is to the left, not the right. And no, not even your right.
Second: tl;dr.
DAMMIT! I hate when Chank edits my posts. He’s all “This way is better from a professional standpoint, as I’m a real lawyer and you’re not, so I know stuff.” And I’m all like “#FML.” And then he threatens to fire me again.
I shall submit your comment for review to the Big Brain upstairs. Perhaps if I fill out a few forms and things run smoothly, we can get the post re-edited to be factually correct by mid-2012.
Standby.
We’ll make the corrections, if necessary. Please let us know if you were unable to find the image or graphic. Amy, please fax Mr. Gideon the last 10 posts.
Chank
PS: Who names their kid Gideon these days?
Chank, thank you for your speedy approval on this. I have incorporated the requested revisions and have faxed the last 10 posts to everyone who has ever visited our website.
P.S., Gideon’s real name is Alfred. I have allowed him to use an alias here with special approval from Mr. Luce, our Resident Futurist. I will forward you the memo on this via interoffice mail.
Thanks. I noticed the correction. Nice typographical work.
Do you think “Alfred’ knows that Gideon is the name of a party in a famous U.S. Supreme Court case? He may want to think twice about using the name if he considers blogging on criminal law matters. Just a thought you may want to pass on if you know him.
Chank
Chank, I think he does know. But if not, I’m sure it was a happy coincidence that will only lead to the biggification of his personal brand. Can I go home now?
On the subject of linkbaiting, I would hasten to point out that this is not the same as blog spam. (Though a good bait link will surely invite a wave of blog spam comments.)
On the subject of SEO generally, do you also sell mirrors? I can probably generate my own smoke by burning the extraneous hard copy motions and briefs OC sends me (to justify billing for the copies and postage, with markup) after sending me a copy via e-mail.
Finally, to quote Tracy Ullman, “Go home. Go home!”
Mr. Rutledge, what is this blog spam of which you speak? As a social media mastermind, I spend most of my time on Twitter and playing Facebook Scrabble (though I’ve recently also downloaded the iPhone app Words With Friends). I don’t remember there being much spam in the blogosphere back in 2006, which is the last time I blogged. Have things changed? Perhaps you can write a guest post for us on this matter? We will surely throw in a free mirror. If Chank approves, of course.
What I call “blog spam” may travel under a different name that I haven’t encountered yet but, thankfully, I recently discovered Akismet, and I just need to review it for false positives now.
It’s the sort of delightful posts one gets from users with names like “Chanel Handbags” or “Ugg Boots”, or extolling the virtues of some new scheme to get rich from a blog on “autopilot.” In extremis, they may be posts with hundreds of links to amazing deals on imported pharmaceuticals to address everything that ails you (including what you only *think* ails you).
For example, I posted a blog entry – no doubt less engaging than these, but addressing a common question from clients and potential clients – on the subject of billing policies, and how a lawyer might (and how I do) decide what to charge for, and what to comp. “CoreReedkem” shared the enlightened riposte, “Компот из инжира.”
When I posted on the importance of keeping personal records of what happens at work (I dabble strategically in Employment Law, including ERISA), “No win no fee employment law solicitors Birmingham” opined that the post was “thought provoking,” while “Database Webhosting” shared that she “found my blog by mistake … and didn’t have time to read it right now.” I was deeply disappointed to learn of this, and seriously considered faxing her my last 10 posts. (Alas, the e-mail address she provided didn’t work, and having recently fired my scrivener, I had nobody I could task with tracking her down to secure her fax number.)
Ah, I am with you now. I have encountered this but have heard it referred to exclusively as “comment spam.” As I am easily confused, I got confused. I thought perhaps a new trend had sprung up that I, as someone who charges almost double the salary I previously earned as an unpaid intern, should be aware of. Thank you for clearing this up.
On a related note, I have dug up what I believe to be a valid fax number for “Database Webhosting.” I shall fax it to you post-haste.
How to add to the net clutter and annoyance, right… Sadly, a lot of people go in for the viral videos and virtual viral junk out there, but I’m not impressed with any of that stuff.
Miss Capri,
I actually considered titling this post “How To Add to the Net Clutter and Annoyance” but then I figured, who would click through the link and read it?
Seriously though, it really is pretty bad. Isn’t it?
Cheers.
Haha! Who would click a title like that? Well? Someone like me, who likes to ridicule and laugh at all the viral gunk out there. Well, it keeps me from literally screaming at everyone who sends a forward or silly Zynga game invite. As for all out spam mentioned in the above comments somewhere, something I noticed is that spammers don’t seem to realize not everyone on the net is male. Seriously, what kind of idiot sends “Buy my male-related drugs!” to [email protected]?
I often wonder myself, about some of these spammers. Clearly they don’t do very careful research, even though they often begin by telling me how much they enjoyed my post. I’m quite offended, now that you mention it!
Lol. These spammers don’t know who you are, and can’t even settle on who they are. Before the crackdown on spam coming from fake .info domains, there were all these spammers on Yahoogroups posting the same messages over again, but with different identities. Maneisha McCarthy and Steelie McMath had gotten the very same degree from the same fake diploma outfit, and were also trying to make ends meet by selling drugs and replica watches. *Snicker* One of my blogger accounts occasionally gets a “I love your site!” comment, followed by a shameless spam link to a weird looking site I never click. Hah, that blog is moderated so those comments never see the light of day. And I still laugh. Oh, and I pwned Bloody Mary and many chain hoax entities too.
Dear Amy,
Couldn’t you at least post the buzzword bingo card so that we can all upload and then download – or maybe download and then upload? And then resize, and rotate and print? I can’t get my bingo pieces on such a small image. Please see Chank about this. He may be able to assist you.
Hmm… Let’s see:
Click here to download the buzzword bingo card we stole from the interwebz.
After trying to get my Oh-So-SEO-Attuned Hot-Shot (Oops, I typed Hot Shit…) Lawyer-Husband to put up one single blog post on Medical Marijuana for the past 11 months and 13 days…
…He sends me this!!!!
Quick – Go to [insert spam site here] and tell me if its there yet. If not, please complete the “contact us” form and tell Tom that Database Webhosting says they found his blog to be “thought provoking”. And Cheech and Chong give it “two thumbs up”.
As for me – I’m off to find some video on youtube of a bride tripping down the aisle, or of a groom throwing up before he says “I do.” It will be a great addition to my own Wedding and Relationship Blog. You’ll have to check it out.
Thanks, Reverend, this is very informative. We did not know Cheech & Chong was a choice SEO phrase to include in spam comments. We plan to use Cheech & Chong in our spam comments as well and may even post about them.