We’ll be the first to admit that, in a vast inter-connected multi-media world, simple goals for your practice get lost in all that vastness. Worse, your practice goals may also get muddled, set aside, or even co-opted as you try to figure out how to pursue them. We’ve certainly been there, adrift without an anchor and not able to act on things that, in retrospect, are simple and basic. Which brings us to today’s basic question that perplexes a surprising number of experienced lawyers: what if your butt itches?
A common reaction is to cover up the itch, especially if you are in public or are embarrassed by the thought of satisfying it in front of people, even your loved ones. Another reaction may be strict stoicism as you work through the itch in your mind and, if successful, it simply goes away. Yet another approach may be distraction, in which you call attention to something across the room and, once those around you are distracted, you take care of the itch.
Our advice? You should scratch your butt. Addressing the itch head-on is the best way to resolve it. Honestly, it should not matter how public your scratching is or if someone notices you addressing the problem directly. It’s more likely that a person who notices you scratching your butt, directly and without hesitation, has been there before with an identical issue. But a person who witnesses you scratching your butt without compunction or hesitation demonstrates your ultimate confidence.
But don’t confuse things. The lesson here is not “you scratch my butt, I’ll scratch yours.” This is much more personal and basic to you and your needs. Indeed, if done right, your direct approach to butt scratching will reflect well on your character, restore your confidence, and provide needed direction. If your butt itches, scratch it. It’s really that simple.
[box type=”tick”]Building Staff or Office Morale and Motivation. Once you resolve your approach to butt-scratching, think about how to incorporate your experience in the office. One way to do so is to use the phrase “If your butt itches” at strategic times. Use it when a solution seems obvious but people are hesitating to use it or even say it. A quick and strategic use of “if your butt itches” will loosen whatever stress is in the room and break the decision-making ice. Ultimately, the phrase may become an office mantra that your colleagues use to resolve difficult problems with elegant and simple solutions. Good luck, and let us know how you end up adopting this useful phrase! — Chank[/box]
Amy Derby says
I’m not a lawyer, but this seems to be a universal issue. Are there any particular scratching implements you recommend for the workplace? I have been using one of these – http://www.amazon.com/Bamboo-Back-Scratcher-Massager-Therapeutic/dp/B000BUCZD4 – but am considering an upgrade for 2011. Thanks in advance.
Big Brain says
We’re not so keen on hardware, as we’re more software and app-oriented. That said, bamboo is a great choice. It’s environmentally friendly and a sustainable wood. Upgrading is probably not necessary at this time unless you can find a shiny object to use.
Aren’t you one of our interns? No. 54, if we remember correctly? No, wait. 57.
Intern No. 57 says
Yes. I’m headed to Starbucks. Can I get you anything?
What if your hands are full? Say you have a cup of coffee in one hand and a handful of paperweights in the other. Your coffee hand is also your scratching hand. You’d have to stop, crouch down, and carefully set the coffee down on the hallway floor before being able to start scratching. The crouching and setting down of the coffee is sure to get even more attention than usual. Is it worth it?
Big Brain says
Probably not worth it. You could revert to strict stoicism, as we mention. Or it could be the classic case of “you scratch my butt, I’l scratch yours.” Though that doesn’t work well in a solo practice setting. Excellent point, though, as we hadn’t thought of the impact when using paperweights.
Lincoln Newberry says
You could scratch your butt with the paper weights, even if they are in your “non-itching” hand.
Nah, my preferred paperweight is a glossy rock or flat, rounded glass, which lack the jaggedness to be used as a scratching device. Also, even if I did have the ideal scratching paperweight I would have to switch it to my scratching hand anyways, thereby necessitating the coffee mug set-down.
Further, on that note I would welcome a post from BLB on the ideal shaped paperweight for butt-scratching. A mini Eiffel Tower or Statue of Liberty seems effective. Or perhaps a mini Petronas towers (I have yet to see one available) for scratching two areas at once.
Lincoln Newberry says
This reminds me of an interesting Confucious saying that, if I am remembering correctly, goes like this:
“He who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with stinky fingers”.
Big Brain says
For Chrissakes, Lincoln. We’re attorneys. Have some decency and respect.
I think one of your advertisements caused my internet browser to resize, you might want to put that on your blacklist.
C. Hank Peters says
Thanks for the heads up. We deliberately insert subliminal advertisements (have you tried subliminal hashtagging?) into our site to resize many things. We resize your browser, student loan debt, and the basement where you live with your mom. If you haven’t already noticed, we also downsized some of your biological attributes. So, no worries. We know what we are doing.