Get Laid Faster with Motivational Tweets

As our brand evangelist tells us each day, if you want to bring in clients, you have to know Twitter. In fact, on Amy’s wall in the office is a handwritten phrase, “no tweet, no meat.” But it’s one thing to get the client to respond to your tweets and to hire you. It’s quite another to get paid. Fortunately, Twitter’s use as a vast distribution hub of motivational quotes provides an effective tool to assure that you get paid, and get paid faster.

Remember, what motivates you motivates your clients. When you get a bill from the telex company, you usually put it aside and don’t pay it for several months, knowing that there are no real penalties of delayed payment. When a client gets a bill from you, it’s similarly put aside for several months while you continue to spend an enormous amount of time working for the client. Ultimately you don’t get paid, you diss the client publicly on Twitter and you ultimately end up in Brian Tannebaum’s office discussing how to salvage your career.

I digress. In 1964, the telex company did an interesting thing with its bills. It started placing motivational messages on each bill, sometimes just below the total amount to remit. Within six months, delayed payment accounts cleared up and clients even started prepaying their bills two months in advance, sometimes circling the motivational messages on the bill and adding their own notation, like “#icanpaymore”

Do the same with your clients, particularly those clients who use Twitter or hired you as a result of a twitferral. Have a bevy of quotes available to use (we list some of the best ten quotes below). Schedule the quotes to go out at least 58 times each day for the first ten days after you send out your monthly bills (a ratio of 500 quotes to each bill is a conservative way to start). Make sure to pick a mix of quotes to autotweet, as clients and followers may otherwise notice that you are tweeting motivational quotes. The key is to be subtle.

We’re convinced that you can get paid faster simply by tweeting motivational quotes. If it worked for the telex company, it seems a natural fit to work for lawyers. Start your motivational quote initiative with your next monthly billing cycle. We’ll wager one of our custom paperweights that you’ll get paid faster and with more pleasure than you’ve felt from your clients in a long time.

Ten Motivational Quotes to Use for Getting Paid Faster

• Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. George Washington Carver
• It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. Elwood Blues
• Two thirds of human existence are wasted in hesitation, and the last third in repentance. Emile Souvestre
• Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’. Yoda
• Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. Walter Sobchak
• It’s never too late to be what you might have been. George Eliot
• Don’t count the days, make the days count. Muhammad Ali
• Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. Dalai Lama
• If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain. Maya Angelou
• You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus. Jesus Quintana