Look at yourself in the mirror and be honest. Your iPad is getting up there and it’s starting to show real signs of age. It’s slow, heavy, and takes a long time to boot up. Worse, its luster has worn off, you’ve forgotten the meaning of the cute engraved message on the back, and you can only find the energy to tweet a few times each day about it. Though tough to do, it’s obviously time to repurpose.
But, good news in all the glum. In addition to at one time being a revolutionary electronic device, the iPad came with several built-in functions that few people have yet to use, all thanks to the geniuses at Apple. To wit:
Serving Tray. The iPad’s flat, smooth service is perfect for serving up sandwiches, deviled eggs, jello molds, and cheese with crackers. While we have not tried it here in the office for nachos, we don’t see why that wouldn’t work. Pile on the chips, salsa, sour cream, Hormel and beans, melt it all in the broiler, and you’ve got one aplicacion delicioso.
Ass Warmer. As it ages, the iPad get surprisingly warm when in use, making it a great tool to use when you are outside on a cold day, on the bus, or bored while waiting in the judge’s chambers. At a football game, you’ll be the envy of fans around you when they see you whip out your iPad, turn it on, and set it proudly under your ass.
Sled. With a brushed aluminum back, the iPad is super fast on the snow. Sit down, push off and you’ll be flying in no time. With built in GPS, it also will let you know how fast you go and where you are when you stop. For good family times, string three or four together in a chain and ride down a snow-covered hill together. You will then understand what we mean by “you can’t measure happiness with an app.” (Angry Birds excepted.)
Surgical Tray. Let’s say there’s a medical emergency on the bus or at the gym and someone asks frantically for a doctor. Usually, as an attorney or legal professional, you feel pretty stupid and useless, unless the doctor really fucks things up or you can string together a solid theory on damages. But with an old iPad, simply walk up to the doctor, announce that you are an attorney, and hand over your iPad, saying loud enough for all to hear, “please, use this for your clamps and scalpels. I’ll be right over there if you need any help.”
Memento. Honestly, repurposing your old iPad as a memento is a solid idea, but don’t wait to implement it. If you can see a pile of floppy or Zip disks from where you sit, imagine seeing pile of iPads within a year. Don’t let it get that far. Regift your iPad at a White Elephant gift party or as an inexpensive “secret Valentine” gift within the office.
Once you deal with the disappointment of dealing with an aging iPad, you should be able to work through how to repurpose it properly. While we provide five top ideas, there are plenty of others. Use it as a frisbee, swim paddle, petrie dish, or — as Stephen Colbert did — a salsa maker. While the options are limitless, the life of an old iPad isn’t. Do the right thing. Repurpose it.