We know you are confused. Face down in the muck and mire of your practice, you are wondering how best to breathe new life into the law and into your career. Luckily, there’s someone who will take your money to answer that question. A life coach? Yes, but while a life coach is typically the first person you think about when sitting naked in front of the television late at night drinking Cutty Sark, there are also suitable alternatives that may provide more focused results. Here are our top life coach considerations.
Before we start, think hard about the type of coach you need. While a life coach sounds pretty dang rock awesome, it’s not the only type of coach out there and it may be overkill. There are career coaches, monkey-selection coaches, ADHD coaches, puppet coaches, suntan coaches, dating coaches, NFL coaches, and coach seating. If your entire life sucks, you still may need a life coach. But if it is something smaller, an alternative coach will likely do.
Email Coach
An email coach is an excellent choice if you find yourself buried in email and are not sure how email actually works. While there are apps that can help, in most situations the apps provide temporary fixes that give you a quick productivity boost and a reason to tweet something. A shiny new app usually won’t lead to sustained improvement. Bring in an email coach, though, and you’ll learn how to use the delete key, how to create 684 color-coded folders to keep things organized, and how best to stay in touch with your pals in Nigeria. A good email coach will also provide direction on printing and filing your emails, proper paperweights to use for email storage, and how best to secure anonymity when posting snarky comments on blogs.
Quora Coach
We like to explain Quora as Squidoo on steroids with a little bit of Fubar and a side of guacamole. Confusing? You bet it is, which is why investing $3,000 in a Quora coach is a great initial investment. Hire a Quora coach if you don’t know what Quora is but want to talk intelligently about it. And that’s the secret: you don’t actually need to use Quora, you just need to sound like you do. A Quora coach can help you do that.
Butt Coach
We already covered what to do if your butt itches (executive summary: scratch it). But, if the itch persists and you continue to be confused about what to do or how to optimize the scratching, consider a butt coach. A butt coach can provide needed direction on itches as well as how best to sit to be productive. They also know good butt pastes to use, can help select optimized butt tissue, and can boost SEO and Klout. Little known fact: butt coaches are highly skilled in the CYA letter, something to consider if that’s all you need.
Hygiene Coach
Typically, if your career is in the doldrums, it’s because you just graduated from law school and have $500,000 in student loan debt. But it could also mean that your hygiene is disoptimized. A hygiene coach can help. Ask them to look at your deodorant, toothpaste, and hair gel. Some hygiene coaches will also help you find the right anti-depressant to use in an active legal practice, though that’s usually something reserved for more traditional life coaches, known as psychologists.
The Social Media Coach
This is the one to avoid, for more reasons than we can list. Our top complaints? First, we have yet to meet a social media coach that has a realistic world view. Typically, a social media coach sees everything as social media, from Qdoba Mexican Grill to your law partner’s decollage project. Second, they are extremely expensive and charge any time you touch a computer keyboard or pick up an iPad or iPhone. They also charge by the pixel, which sounds reasonable but ends up being a nightmare in arbitration after you dispute the bill. Avoid at all costs.
With the right choice, a focused life coach can make the difference between a successful law practice or one filled with shiny gadgets and checklists. Be careful who your hire and vet them properly on Twitter and LinkedIn. Good luck. Let us know how it works out for you.
