If you are like us, in a couple of weeks you’ll be sitting around wondering where everyone is and why no one is sending out faxes. 0r responding to your own. And then you realize it’s Christmas Eve. In other words, you forgot to send out Christmas e-cards, failed to order any Hickory Farms Gourmet Summer Sausage gift boxes, or didn’t even send a Blockbuster gift card to any of your clients or colleagues. Don’t fret. Even if it’s 1:37 p.m. on Christmas Eve, you are still in luck. Here’s what to do.
Fax Bacon
For reasons we still do not understand, bacon has a stranglehold on the off-kilter gift market. But if it’s now too late to deliver a bacon floormat or even some bacon-infused patchouli, use your fax machine to deliver the goods. We’ve successfully faxed single bacon strips to many of our clients. They were touched by our thoughtfulness. And, as we’ve discovered, running the bacon through the fax machine warms it slightly for your own consumption. Yum.
MySpace Makeover Coupon
For that MySpace lawyer you loath, offer a MySpace Makeover Coupon. Just send your colleague an email offering to help them update their MySpace page—for free!
Skype Caroling
If a restraining order is keeping you from contacting a former client—or you just don’t want to show up unannounced at his or her door on Christmas Eve—use Skype or Hangouts to provide an uplifting last-minute Christmas carol. Hang out online throughout the evening and, whenever you see someone pop up on your screen, give them a call and serenade them with Good King Wenceslas or Jingle Bell Rock. Have your spouse nearby with a ukelele, kazoo, or mouth harp for some added musical accompaniment.
Damage and Backdate Something
Often, people most remember the odd homemade last-minute point-of-sale gifts, like a bag of Lemonheads or a tray of Costco baklava. Why? It’s the thought that counts. Which is why you can take pretty much anything in your home or office, bash it up, and put it in a large clear plastic bag with an official-looking backdated note that says “Due to arctic weather patterns and a possible fire and/or pandemic, this postal item may have been damaged in transit by the U.S. Postal Service. We apologize for the inconvenience.” Make sure it looks like it came from the post office. Then, pack it up and mail it, whenever. Genius. Works for pretty much anything you’ve got lying around in the office. Or even stuff in the firm refrigerator.
See? With a little thought and some touches of genius, you will again be remembered this year for your generosity and creativity, nor for forgetting. But get going–you are still running out of time.
Bacon Photo on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bahkubean/277050788
You had me at Fax bacon…