First off, no. It’s not dead. I just want to get that out of the way. In fact, I’m writing this no-good-for-nothing blog coming off a FOUR martini lunch. No, Dewar’s. And I’m fine. EXCEPT THE COCKTAIL LADY CUT ME OFF. My God, man. I gotta take a whiz. Hold on.
Listen, people. Listen to me. President Ford said it, he said it, and yes I told this to my pals today at lunch, yo, Adrian and Seth and you Shpoonkle guy, I forget your name. Jim something. I call you Spoo. Jimmy Spoo. We were all at lunch, a three-martini lunch. Except I had four. Dewar’s. Yeah, and I said, Jerry Ford said this, and I quote “The three-martini lunch is the center of Americanana. You get it, you eat the ear, you get the butt, and you’re the man.” He said that. Jimmy Carter be damned, old peanut man. That rhymes. Tweet that, President Jimmy Spoo.
I said that. Yeah, I said that. The three martini lunch. It’s not dead. I tell you what. Where’s my peanuts? Goddamn it, Greg, where’s my peanuts? Get me a Pabst.
[box type=”alert” style=”rounded” border=”full”]Editor’s Note: The foregoing was published after repeated attempts to persuade the author to go home and rest. Former President Gerald Ford did not say what Chank attributes to him. Rather, he said “The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?” We regret the error, though not enough to correct it.[/box]