It’s again that time of year when 144,000 believers
are taken up by the Lord and redeemed from earth enroll in or return to law school. And along with the annual influx of law students come the inevitable tips on how to scratch your butt study, take exams, and gather Westlaw points. Honestly, we’re no different than all the other legal bloggers out there. Luckily, though, we concentrate on the big picture: the top five smoothies to assure your success in law school.
Berry UpBEET with Cupuaçu & Mango Vitality Superfruit Shot and Soymilk. You are one of
the biggest nudniks in law school the most intelligent law students around. You love administrative law. Adore antitrust and tax. But you’re not a gunner. No, you sit quietly in the middle of class with a laptop and a custom-built app for notetaking and outlining. Unfortunately, because you are lactose intolerant and allergic to gluten, this is the only real smoothie option for you. But it comes loaded with broccoli, beets, kale, and spinach, four vegetables that make you the true master of the ass trumpet are full of beta-carotene. With this smoothie, you’ll sitting cool baking brownies in class. Good luck. We’ll see you on the federal bench in a few years.
Mango-a-go-go with Wheatgrass Detox Shot. Face it. You’re starting law school and spending upwards of $100,000 because
there’s nothing better to do it’s an investment in the future. Which is why the Mango-a-go-go will continue to make you at least happy for five minutes assure your success. With passionfruit, mango, and pineapple, it’s a Caribbean fruit party in a cup. Add in a wheatgrass detox shot to get rid of the taste from that heady bong rip for added nutritional boost and you are good to go. Not recommended for property law or torts. It just isn’t.
Orange Carrot Karma. This is your basic smoothie, pure orange. If you want to stay solidly in the 40 to 60 percentile of your class, order this one. No boosts or shots. If you want to break out a bit, add some cantaloupe. Just orangelicious and boring. But does the job, and you may find yourself better off than your more elite Acai “Super-As.” Definitely better off than your New York Nutcrackers.
New York Nutcracker. Chank assures us that this is a smoothie, though we have our doubts. One, we’ve never seen one. And two, he starts yelling whenever he has been drinking one. But, because he swears by it, we’ve included it in the list. Unfortunately, we have little additional information to give you other than it apparently is fruity and cold. “Not for PR class, or whatever they are calling that godforsaken doctrine these days,” Chank adds.
Acai Super-antioxidant with Wheatgrass and a 3G Charger Boost. It’s no coincidence that this one’s the 3G, as in “triple G” gunner. If you are a gunner and want to maintain an upper hand in
volunteering answers answering questions about footnote four, keep your Acai “Super-A” cold and keep it close at hand. It’s a winner. And so are you.