We get a lot of questions faxed to us about what a new lawyer should accomplish in his or her first few years of practice. With hordes of new law school graduates striking out to be lawyers and retail specialists, it’s a good question. And it may surprise you that the answers are fairly simple. Like these.
Create an Internet Meme
What’s a meme? Where the hell did you go to law school, Stanford? Every new lawyer should strive to create a viral online do-hicky, otherwise known as a meme and sometimes informally known as “waste of time in a bottle.” Who cares if you resolve a complex patent infringement case? Unless, of course, you are able to create a funny and viral Pinterest or Instagram image from it. Followers count. All else is just fluff.
Win a Shpoonkle Bid
We’ve covered Shpoonkle before and, if you don’t know what it is, you should. It’s the top Yiddish-language lawyer referral service on the planet. Better yet, it’s interactive, meaning you bid on cases that desperate normal people put on the site. That said, every new lawyer should have a successful Shpoonkle bid under his or her professional belt. Don’t know how to bid? No worries. We are the premier publisher of Shpoonkle for Dummies, which you can get instantly delivered by fax with your first order. Happy bidding!
Songify a Legal Brief
What could be more awesome than producing a Songified audio of your next legal brief, or even using the T-Pain effect at your next oral argument? Thankfully, technology has made it all possible, with the Songify app on iTunes or even a whole range of effects waiting to be used on Apple’s Garage Band. Imagine adding the T-Pain effect during your otherwise boring and mundane request for relief. Awesome.
Dole Out Legal Advice on Quora
Most lawyers mistake Quora for Qdoba Mexican Grill, the chain restaurant. It’s not surprising, given the use of the letter Q in the title. But for new lawyers, the sooner you can figure out how to post questions and answers on Quora the better. There is no better and quicker way to dole out legal advice to anonymous people in multiple jurisdictions. That rocks.
Actually Practice Law
Believe it or not, every new lawyer should actually practice law, or at least dabble in it. Why? It helps to support all of your other unhealthy habits and can even pay for some of the expenses associated with all of that online fancy stuff you do.